fuck... is this really the truth?

i went the lab this afternoon

my group has no plan

but the leader didn't tell me....

ok...

fuck it

i don't wanna say anything about this anymore

fuck

even if he called me later around 7

i didn't say anything mean

there is no use to say anything rude or whatever i wanna say

just i don't wanna say anything to anybody

everything is meanless

after class i called mom

i talked about something i feel about the class

and i dont feel that well

cos everybody seems to hide what they know instead of sharing what they had

thoughts is not like apple

u give me one i give u one

both of us still have one

u give me one thought i give u one thought

both of us will have two

but why people don't wanna share?

and i feel somebody really disgusting

what she behave in front of me is totally different from the truth

in other words i think she is look down upon me

whatever

i don't know

just wish i could get out of here soon

can i?

i wanna cry

i know that i am always jealous of others
i am not satisfies with the current states
i don't know
if i could get better
i wonder if i could really achieve something
all my life

i am thinking that i am off line
the line i drew 4 myself when i was young
i wanna make cosmetics
whatever
this dream is impossible now

choosing CIVIL ENGINEERING
means i gave up on bio-chemistry
gave up the thing i wanna do for a long time is not difficult
i know that CE can be fun
i know that learning is fun
BUT JUST ONE QUESTION

AM I REALLY HAPPY?

i am not sure
but one thing i could be sure is that i wanna a different life

over all these 18years
i don't know if i have ever been really serious.........

I know recently many things happened
i wonder if i could just get over them
but can u just stop a moment
listen to me
I'LL BARE MY SOUL

but the answer is that u never really listen....



no one really understands me
it is hard
i seldom show my deepest part

i don't know my life after all these tough years about being a student
can i really get what i want?
what i eager for?
what my life will be?

an indenpent woman or a housewife?




it is too late to apologize....






i am the only person who write and read this blog
whatever
this is a place for myself
i don't intend for anybody
just my life
i write
here
i don't expect anyone
really

and i know i could be a better person





Gil is right...

LIFE IS UNFAIR

为什么总是我的错？

小时候培优班的学费

现在是奖学金

难道是我的命运吗？？

出了事情总是怪我

是我的理解力有问题吗？

到底该怎么样？

就像你当年说分手

我们还是好朋友一样？

只是安慰我的一句话吗？

你知道那天我转身是哭着跑开的吗？

你知道你生日那天

我们的对话

伤了我多深吗？

你知道

我一直都放不下你吗？
你知道

其实我一直都没有再恋爱吗？

你知道

我一直都在等你开口和我说话吗？

你知道我一直喜欢的都是你吗？

对不起这3个字

我不想再听到

我好像有人抱抱我

我也是个女人

我也有脆弱的一面

我真的希望

在你面前

i could bare my soul

我可以不用假装anything

i could be the real me

我好像你抱着我

整个世界只有我们

对不起。

我真的很希望

那个夏天

我们还在一起

伤心的时候

总是想到你

因为

我哭了

你总可以安慰我

让我笑

过去的事情

为什么要那么美好

irrationality course arrangement

without a course about Ordinary differential equation

jump soooo much to the partial differential equation

that make the course more difficult

so much different between my school and MIT

i c the reason why MIT is a world top school

they r really awesome

this makes me think about that again

why u broke my dream

I may could go to CAMBRIDGE

WHY WHY WHY??????

U DAMN FUCKING LIFE DESTROY...

havent u done enough?????????

u know HOW MUCH i wanna go to britain

there is no reason for u to stop me 

u just thought that I choose this is the best for u

because u can show off when u havin meals with ur colleagues and friends

u never care my feelings

i know i am jealous

of those people who can go abroad

i wanna be the best

but it just i am not now

i am still me

right?

tell me?

forget about it...

MIT is awesome

about 2 weeks ago

i was doing the maths assignment and i found MIT's channel

anyway i thought it might help then i suscribed

today i watch one video about solving differential equations.

the professor is AWESOME

really AWESOME

it's like he could keep u concentrate on for the whole class

well actually when i am having classes..

i could concentrate on no more than 20 minute..

:(

he use the funny example

susan and george's love to explain 

differential equation with complex eigenvalue

that's was fun

and it really worked.

all the examples are awesome

not too complicated

but somewhat easy understant

and they give notes to students....

it is so much different 

WE TAKE NOTES HERE

but they give notes.

:(

that is the difference....

making me want to go to the US sooooooo much...............

work harder..........

i know i wasnt suppose to think about this once again....

but what if i went to BRITAIN a year ago..

my life could be totally different...

everything....

what can i say more????

FUCK HIM

HE DISTORY ALL MY LIFE...

damm u..................

LIFE IS UNFAIR